I wish I can call my best friend Avegail, I think that name is awesome, but she hates it. She said if I called her that she’ll call me Franco. -_-
Ave, I never really get to thank you for everything you’ve done for me.. I wish I can pay you back somehow, but I’m in debt to you, literally, LOL. You’ve helped me too much. I can’t thank you enough. I love you. You’re as best a friend I could ask for.
I don’t feel like I’m enough.
I don’t know what to do with my life. I seem like I have everything clear but in reality I have no idea..
I always feel like I’m being compared . It’s so impossible to be like them. At least right now. I don’t have it in me either. I’m just regular, boring Geramie. I really dislike a lot about myself.
A friend recently told me I have a charm that naturally brings people to like me and befriend me. That meant a lot. Thank you.
I don’t want fake happiness..
I say this all the time, but I wish you’d talk about me more. I know you say you do, but I don’t think you understand..
I’m starting to feel like I’m becoming a secondary priority.
Yeah yeah.. I complain too much.
Is this just a cry out for attention?
Everytime I look in the mirror I see a disgusting fat guy.
I miss how I looked before. So young, skinny, somewhat lighter-skinned (or maybe my hair color just makes me look more tanned -_-) and not ugly.
Lately I haven’t been caring about how I look, and look where it’s taken me. I feel disgusting.
I’m broke. I don’t have a fucking penny to my name. I applied everywhere and followed up on a lot of them… fucking nothing. I hate the fucking economy in California. I want to get out of here.
I’m really jealous sometimes and I’d rather not show it.
I wish I can completely destroy my past self. I hated that part of me. If I can ever go back in life and change one thing, it would be myself from that time. I will never go back to it as long as I live.
I’m in love with you , and only you, Vivian Chen. Don’t ever think otherwise.
I’m frustrated with a lot of things.. I want my life to get on the right track. If things don’t get any better, I don’t know what I’ll do..
School is already next Monday, it feels like I’m only in the middle of my summer. I just borrowed a bunch of games from Aries and Bryant as if I would have the time to play them in the next couple of days.
Today Myles & Scarlet came over just to randomly kick it and we ended up doing nothing really, lol. We were hungry so we ate some L&L’s. Afterwards Scarlet went to work and Myles went off to his date, I think?
He was talking about his girl and how it sucks that she’s only 16. I told him that I felt his pain. My girlfriend is only 15 :o He was saying how it was hard for them to meet up because , as we are already adults, they still have curfews and restrictions and such. His girl only lives in Fairfield, and he said that was hella far, well mine lives in fucking Orange County. -_-
We also watched “When I was 17” or something. That made me think what the hell I did when I was 17. All I know is there was this feeling of not having any responsibilities and just living high school so painlessly and free. Senior year was the best.
Today Vivian told me she was hanging out with Danny. I told her to make sure that nigga doesn’t play the piano, I always have to be the last one to play her piano. D:<
Later on I learned that Danny flaked, lol, and that she just hung out with Tiffany. I pretty much waited for Vivian all day, what’s new. School is closing fast for me and I really want to get time in talking to Vivian before our schedules become gay and we barely get to talk to one another. Despite this fact, it feels like Vivian doesn’t really realize that our time is becoming very limited and she’s taking it for granted right now. I hope her and I could talk more , I really miss her and I love talking to her.
I think my baby’s waiting for me on Skype already, so I’ll end this post here.
So I’ve been watching Jersey Shore lately and it’s really getting to me. I love how ridiculous it is and even then there’s obviously some reality behind it. When I went to the shore of Jersey itself it was alright, I didn’t really get to enjoy it much though. One of the cool things was that some of the people couldn’t understand me well unless I talked in a Jersey accent. ;p And it’s funny how in the beginning when Vivian just heard about me, she thought I was all the way from New Jersey. lolol. My silly girlfriend . <3
I’ve been reading up (lol) on the Men’s Egg that Vivian gave me and researching various styles of gyaruo and other Japanese street fashions. I really want to try one of the looks (just the hair) but it’s impossible right now as my hair is still too short, believe it or not. I’ll get there. In the meantime, I’ll just keep attaining knowledge about it. :]
Lately, Vivian has been watching Boys Over Flowers. It’s been taking away our time from each other but it seems like she’s also watching it with her mom, so why would I butt in family time? I’ll just wait patiently here for my girlfriend. Even though that drama robbed me of my precious time with Vivian D:<
Summer is almost over. Bummer. All I really have planned is going to the Giant’s game in SF this Friday and going to the gym a couple times this week. I hope I can get the radio fixed in my car because going to school everyday without music will be gay.
Honestly I’m still a little tired from that long ride from Orange County and back. I hope my body can adjust again soon.
As I end this post I will try and bug Vivian one more time on AIM….
And no reply! Okay i’ll keep waiting then. -___-
Which reminds me! I’m also waiting for Ave who also said she would get back to me on AIM. .-.
I’ve been trying to get ahold of Ave, and I know that since she’s on Tumblr so much, she might see this fairly soon enough, I have to tell her about my trip because she hasn’t even bothered to get in touch with me yet. So Ave, if you’re out there reading this, get on AIM or something; I gotta tell you hella stuff.
Everytime I go there, it feels like I was just there the day before.
Vivian’s house has become a sort of a dream world to me. I am always overcome with this odd feeling like I was just there when it’s actually been a month.
As soon as I step through that big door and see the glowing red altar and Brandon screaming at the television I know I’m back. I’m back in my perfect world.
It’s only complete when I see her standing there, with the biggest and most perfect smile I could imagine.
All of a sudden I feel time speed up. It feels like every second that I spend there turns into hours. My time there is always limited. I can literally see a timer in my head, the decreasing numbers telling me that my stay in my fantasy world is limited. Yet as this is happening, I feel like the rest of my world begins to slow down. With Vivian , I feel like our kisses slow down enough to where we can actually take it in fully. A quick kiss has almost no meaning to me. I feel like our hugs and cuddling in bed last forever. Or at least, that’s what I wish.
On August 6th, 2010, I drove to Orange County from San Francisco to see my girlfriend, Vivian Chen. It took around 7+ hours. I started early in the morning around 5. My body was barely holding up as I deteriorated slowly by myself in the car. The only thing keeping me running was a bite of McDonald’s breakfast and an energy drink alongside a coffee.
By the time I reached Vivian, I was so happy that my body did not even recognize that I was literally a walking zombie. My pain, my exhaustion, all disappeared in an instant, as soon as I embraced my princess it all left me.
Her love has the ability to lift me up from any low point. If I can feel her love and her passion for me, I feel like I can overcome anything. When I’m physically with her, it’s so strong that I feel invincible and nothing can break me down.
Sometimes I wonder if she feels the same.
I want to be able to do the same and more for her. She’s my life. She’s my everything. She’s my one and only. I won’t ever let anything change that, ever.
As I spend my short time in my dream , I long to stay there, forever, I constantly wish and hope that I don’t ever have to come back to reality, back to hell, back to pain.
I’ve been wishing for a lot of things lately. I’ve been dreaming for a lot of things lately. Have I lost my grip for reality? I could care less. If I’m with Vivian, nothing else matters. I am the happiest I can be. I am invincible. I am lucky to have her by my side, all to myself. I will make sure that as long as I live, I will never let anything happen to her and us.